By Carole Filion, Mindset Coach
I remember when Facebook first became available to everyone in 2006. My daughters were quite distraught because this was a tool that was only available in “their world”. I know I’m dating myself here, but when it first launched, Facebook was only available to University students, then it trickled down to High School students. Eventually, Zuckerberg clued to who was actually holding the purse strings and let us in on his action.
Opening it up to the rest of us (i.e. parents) meant that we could now take a different look into our precious offsprings’ universes, much to their dismay. Actually, I know parents whose kids still haven’t friended them (not sure that’s a social media thing but definitely a topic for another blog. But I digress…).
For me, personally, as an introvert I thought this could be a fun way to share my thoughts and insights in a way that didn’t require actual human contact. To you extroverts out there, I know that last statement sounds like a slow death, but for introverts it meant sharing when we were comfortable - at ease, at home in our pyjamas, typing in a quick status while having our morning coffee. No waiting for (or even anticipating) a response, or having to paste on a smile as we entered the awkward dance of discussion. It was putting our ideas out there and then moving on.
The most extroverted thing I could do was “poke ” people. I actually stayed away from that feature (if you could call it that) and it has long since been removed. Likely because it buried the needle on the annoyance meter. Again, I digress…
What turned out to be a surprise to this little introvert, however, was the dopamine hit of notifications, when someone liked or commented on my musings. “Oh, how cool. Someone likes what I’m dropping. Maybe I’m not crazy after all.” This turned out to be the lure, the siren’s call, the short-circuiting of my brain. How did the girl who was raised on 13 channels suddenly get addicted to a sound? Forget Pavlov’s dog, I had become Facebook’s Bitch.
Collecting friends became the new Pokémon and the more “friends” you had, the bigger deal you were. Outwardly, I didn’t care, but inside I was telling the Introvert to pipe down - we were on a mission, we had to BELONG! No idea what the prize was, or why I was doing it, but there was something in there that was somehow going to fill the hole, the void, the gap in my soul.
Then I witnessed what happens when there is no human contact in conversation. It’s not a conversation at all. It’s a weird, twisted cycle that starts with a diatribe followed by a rebuttal, then rinse & repeat - all happening on 2 different timelines. Those pyjama and coffee cup musings were now orchestrated and methodical responses (sometimes to perceived offenses). A platform for opinions and mean-spiritedness like I hadn’t experienced since third grade. I was witnessing the sometimes ugly underbelly of human behaviour. All perfectly acceptable. After all, do we not all have a RIGHT to our opinions?
Yeah, well, opinions are like assholes - everybody’s got one.
Here’s the problem with that. In live, in-person conversations, we see each others’ eyes. We get to tap into some of our higher faculties, like perception and intuition. You can feel when someone is hurt, happy, engaged, and/or excited in a live conversation, you get a different point of view in real time. Having the filter of technology removes that. We’re communicating in our own little vacuums without the benefit or the beauty of non-verbal communication - a frown, a hand on the arm, a wink, a laugh or a quizzical look. These are the true connectors - not switches and modems.
Why am I bringing all of this up?
Since the lockdown of the pandemic, I’ve heard a lot of people speak of their excitement at being back to “normal”, to getting together with friends and going to live events again. Actually, at this stage, it’s almost like it never happened. We really do forget quickly.
What I haven’t heard, however, in the almost 20 years since social media hit critical mass is how the filter of technology still causes us to retreat in this netherworld that might not necessarily reflect our truths.
Social media is now a constant in our lives. Here are some of the advantages:
Warped Timelines
Since its inception, connecting with people around the world has become second nature, where timeline erasures are a blessing we now take for granted.
More Economical
Long distance charges are a thing of the past (sort of). For those of us old enough to remember, calling overseas was something you not only saved up for, you needed an operator’s assistance to complete the call and God help ya if the person didn’t pick up. Long distance phone charges have now been replaced with data roaming and local eSimms when traveling.
Better than Email
It’s better and faster than email. For immediate responses, especially for customer support for businesses, nothing beats social media to get the word out and put clients’ minds at ease.
Cut to the Chase
Allows for immediate action. To the last point, there had to be a series of planning meetings followed by arduous orchestration and usually by large teams in the past for businesses to deal with a customer service nightmare. Now, a team of 1-2 can often take care of messaging for large organizations.
Send voice messages in real time.
When a simple text just won’t do, there’s still that connection, that richness of hearing a loved one's voice in quick voice messages. For iPhone users, adding fun animated emoji’s can make a kid’s (or an adult’s) day in a snap.
It’s for both introverts and extroverts
Social media makes it easier for introverts to do extroverted work, where they can use the technology filter and the disjointed timelines to make it much more comfortable and approachable. It gets rid of the “ick” factor associated with the old style of knocking door to door. Or worse yet, picking up a phone (Ugh).
Travel in Real Time
We can now “travel” with people as they share their adventures in real time through reels and still images.
Learn on the Fly
We can take in training, education and events in real time. Free workshops abound, often with 1 or 2 days’ notice on social media which means advanced education is much more accessible.
A More Thoughtful Approach
This one can be positive AND negative: social media gives introverts an opportunity to think and rethink a message. Although this is aligned with an introverted nature, unless there’s a balanced approach to it, it can also lead to “paralysis by analysis” - waiting for that PERFECT post or message, until no action is taken at all. Conversely, it might be a bit too easy to spout off without thinking of repercussions (see the not-so-great section)
Given that Facebook was developed by a self-professed introvert, there are many avenues that appeal to those of us with an introverted nature. The key is to tune into those features contained within your chosen social media platform that are aligned with how we, as humans, are hard-wired on the introvert/extrovert scale.
Unsure where you land, find out here
Stories that Don’t Suit
Because introverts get their energy from within, they also create their stories there. When introverts are in the habit of watching from the sidelines and not engaging in conversation (likes, comments, etc), it can lead to feelings of comparison and feeling “less than”.
Feeling Exposed
Conversely, engaging can leave many feeling exposed and vulnerable, precisely BECAUSE of the technology filter.
Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
Let’s face it - most of us are just showing the highlight reels of our lives, making it seem like we have it oh-so-together all the time. FOMO, based on an inaccurate POV, might blur the whole picture, or the essence of truth.
Mind your Manners
people are still meaner to each other via Messenger than if the person was standing in front of them. They use the filter ineffectively. In the last points on the advantages above, it can sometimes be used in awkward rants when there’s a head of steam that’s been built up in the sender’s background story without the recipient’s knowledge. The media can sometimes make it too easy to fly off the handle then dismiss it once the emotional charge has been released (meanwhile, the stench of the rant remains out there), leaving the recipient dazed and confused.
Over Exposure
For an introvert that has to rely on social media to get a message out there for business or work, it can feel like a cavity search, or being naked in the town square. This is where perspective is going to play a critical role.
Self-Image
Start there. Who are you? What do you stand for? Who do you serve? Do you even need to be on social media for your work or business (don’t let the “experts” decide for you - there are other, better ways)? List those aspects that are comfortable for you, i.e. not comfortable on camera, then record your voice and have it over B roll. This requires a strong self-image so invest the time in yourself with some powerful mirror work, and supportive self-talk. The greatest conversation you will ever have is the one your have with yourself.
Keep it in the Family
If you don’t need social, then just have an account to help you connect to those closest to you. Make it private. It’s not a necessity, despite what everyone would have you believe but it can be a fun way to connect with distant friends and relatives. Use it to your advantage, and as relationships shift and ebb, do some appropriate culling (yes, you’re allowed).
Who do You Love?
If you do need to be on social media, look for traits of people you admire and emulate those traits. Don’t copy the person, just some of the stuff they do that resonates with you. Make a list if you have to - what do you like? What do you dislike?
Here’s my Card
If you’re in business, then look at social media as an interactive business card. Know this - your ultimate goal should be to get them on your mailing list (even the social media gurus will attest to this). Why? Because no matter what changes occur in the algorithm of your preferred platform, you own your list. You do not have control over the algorithm or how your social media platform might change the rules on you (Remember Twitter?).
Gauge the Fun Meter.
What do you enjoy doing? Is it cool montages of photos that tell a story when strung together? Then do that. Is it getting on to do a live, impromptu? Do that. You love to dance? Do that (but don’t expect me to follow suit, just sayin').
Find the fun elements (yes, there are some) and build on those. In my case, I love doing voiceover and I love to teach, so I’ve challenged myself to write topics in 140 words EXACTLY (because in voiceover-speak 140 words is roughly one minute) and record those. My brilliant social media manager then crafts these beautiful reels around my words and my voice. Now THAT’S fun for me! Up until that point, however, I would have wanted to take my eyes out with a spoon when the word “reel” came up in conversation. Find your FUN!
James Clear speaks to finding a system in his best-seller Atomic Habits. More importantly, he speaks to finding a system you can stick to even on your worst day. That was an “aha” for me. Everytime I thought of creating content for social media, I blew it up in my mind that it had to be some sort of Scorsese-worthy production and that left me immediately exhausted. Although I am still a work-in-progress on that front at the time of writing, I am growing more and more fond of the process and have huge, deep gratitude for my beautifully patient social media manager, Cara Wray for showing me easier, more manageable ways to create impactful content that works with my personality type.
That leads me to my final word on this: as in anything that is important to you, it takes a village. Find your tribe, invest in help, and show leadership by being an intelligent follower. If social media is not your wheelhouse, know that there are brilliant people out there whose wheelhouse it is. Reach out, speak your truth and allow them to help you grow your presence.
…And continue to do YOU.
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